I have not been here in so long.
I am sorry that I have not.
Last night I have had my heart squashed so badly that it caused a major panic attack and makes it very hard for me to go on living. Please let me explain.
See I was in love with this guy who I thought loved me back. But I found out that he was using me and playing games with my feelings. Another words I was a joke to him.
I am in tears as I write this. I hate living, I want to be dead so badly.
I was also told today that no guy would want to date me cause I have a phobia of driving and I have social phobia that almost all men want someone who is very outgoing who drives.
I am not too far from the age of 40 (over a year now until I hit that age).
I have never been in love, never been married, my depression, anxiety, and panic disorder has hindered me from working.
My only small blood family has disowned me over 3 years ago.
I have been denied of social security disability now twice and I am waiting for some court date where I have to represent myself cause my doctor will not write a letter seeing that she is paid by the state.
I was told today that I will go to hell if I take my life, but I feel that i have no other opition at this point.
The only thing I had to live for was that guy that I thought loved me but he didn't, I was a game to him, my feelings my emotions and all.
I have no income (just a wee bit of saving to get me out of here to the winderness) I have no insurance nothing, I just want to go.
Please if you are going to reply don't be harsh, that is all I ask for. Thank you kindly.
The pain is too big for me to bare.