My situation is much different, but I understand what you mean.

I was always brought up to care for others first. I grew up being taught selflessness to a high extent, and only now has it truly begun to affect me. I take responsibility to an extreme extent, and I tend to sacrifice anything and everything I want in order to make sure someone else is okay. Whether it's sacrificing a tuna sandwich, or the career I have always dreamed of.

Thinking of oneself was taught as selfishness, and that was a sin against God. I mean, Jesus was the ultimate example of selflessness, right? He gave His life. He was supposed to be my example to live by, so how can one put themselves ahead of anything else when trying to hold themselves to such a standard?

I'm 24 years old, and I have an older sister, and a younger brother. My father worked constantly to pay the bills, and my mother was very sick when I was young. My sister and I had the responsibility of raising our brother. We had to think of him. But as he grew a little and my mum got better, my sister needed me. We were homeschooled and kind of ridiculed by the small group of people our age we had to be around - our church youth group. So I had to be strong for her. I had to comfort her in her rejection, I had to look out for her, I had to accept any ridicule from her towards me because I knew she was just trying to fit in. My whole life I put into doing what I thought was best for everyone else. And for the past four years I have done exactly that in a marriage that is now ending. I took care of him, I did what I thought was best. I gave up school, I worked 18 hours a day to pay the bills. I did everything.

It's not necessarily self-love. It just takes realising that only you can do what's best for you. You can;t do what's best for your husband, or your boyfriend, or your mother. Of course there are exceptions (I mean, letting your child go out in the snow in underwear is just dumb!), but in general, you have to decide what you want, fixate on it, and do it. And what better time to do that than when you're not tied to another person? When the whole world is yours to take?

It's a painful process, and it hurts, but since I made the decision to end my marriage, I have never been happier. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but it just wasn't working out and I couldn't keep trying anymore. I had to realise it wasn't failure, it simply was one thing that didn't work and time to move on. It's difficult, yes. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I close my eyes and imagine us back at our apartment sometimes, but I have never experienced such freedom in my mind. And not only that, I have gained so much clarity in regards to my illness. I can literally see the cycles. I can feel them. I'm even learning how to stop them! It's liberating when you can learn not to be selfish, not to love yourself, but to do what's best for you.

No one else can make you truly happy but you. You have to do what's best for you.