mandy these words sounded so familiar with my thinking when my mom was still alive.

Guess-- giving up on the dream of having a "real" mother-- something that I've ached for, imagined and thought I could have........ letting that go........ it hurts....... I see now that I have to do this in order for me to get out of this circle I go round and round in......

Odd how it feels I'm stepping from the fog--- into the darkness--- if it's like this for others, no wonder some would rather put up with things than take that step

I never could "let go".
My mom didn't steal but she withheld her love for me. I too did everything I could possibly do to "make" her love me. It never happened. She was a very mean selfish woman to me anyway. If I didn't do exactly what she wanted me to or expected me to do then she blew up and got mad at me. A week before she died I watched her call my cousins to her bedside to tell them how much she loved them and would miss them. I thought finally my time is coming. It didn't. She died a week later without telling me she loved me, she only told me if I was going to cry to leave. I was at her side when she took her last breath. I loved her still but I could not change her. You have to take care of you first and your children. Always do what is best for you and them. You are never alone in this hon..I am right here with you!