one good thing about my day--- this should be done every day for me I think to help remind me how things are not that bad and they could be worse...

Today--
Today, I actually really laughed at the situation that I am in,
No, Not the sarcastic laugh that I have done so many times-- A true laugh of - It is what it is, and I have cried, gotten so angry, and -- it is time to let go laugh..
due to I am realizing that no one really cares,
and it is like a laughter of epiphany for me--
I don't belong where I am,
I need to get out,
it is NOT Defeat--
I just need to spread my wings a little so to speak..

Sort of makes me think- why do I need to say it is not defeat-- why did I at some point think little old me could make a change? The other day I got the big picture of things with it all, really the big picture.. Perhaps if they would had been straight forward with me to begin with I would had came to this sooner, perhaps? perhaps not with how I am though, I know...

Let this burden of me knowing something that is wrong, and have fought for years for a change to make it right, but can not do it on my own, and no one that 'matters' really cares.... let this burden be lifted off my shoulders.. No, it does not make a bad person, I have tried; I have tried, and it is something that I can not fix....

Again, with the fixing.. I wish some day that would come into the picture and again with burdens of things that I can not fix.. geez wiz think i would get it by now huh?