I can't look in the mirror without crying,
Whether tears actually fall or not,
I still cry, on the inside.
I cry because i long to be beautiful,
To be wanted and finally looked at.
I know im not pretty, my friends..
Of course they all lie.
They aren't about to tell me the truth,
The truth hurts afterall,
But im already hurting.
Im hurting so badly because..
I hate what i see in the mirror.
I hate who i am, what i am,
What i look like.
I really do wish to be pretty,
Everyday and night i long for it,
But then knowing it wont come true..
That hurts more than the cuts.
More than the blood thats escapes me,
Purely for the reason that i can't be..
What i so desperately want to be.
The cuts really only make me look worse,
Scars now lace my body, reminding me
Of the reason they are there everytime i see them.
But what else can i do to punish myself..
For looking and being like this?
I hurt people who don't deserve it,
Don't deserve to be hurting, and so..
I hurt even more instead.
I deserve the pain after all.
I deserve to look in the mirror
And see what i see.
I deserve to be lonely and broken,
Not just heart broken,
Truly broken.
And i deserve to never be put back together.
I will have to live my life in these..
Shattered, sharpened pieces.
Like the ones that trail across my body,
The ones that hurt me and cut me.

I deserve this life.
This is my punishment.
This ugly, painful, lonely prison.
Me.

I wrote this to try and some up how i feel, but to be honest it didn't even come close..