...strange things they are, memories, regardless... but here I'm simply trying to understand mania?
not long ago I said somethin' about not understanding it and when I make such a claim it's only gonna' re-emerge.
seems to me it's just some abstract spiritual physics or at the least a perfect balance with imperfect sensations?
..got know idea which one came first?...the depression or the mania?
the chicken or the egg...the arm or the leg?
now here's the thing!
when in the depression cycle I distinctly remember how good mania is...(it seems)...I achieve so much I can juggle life with no hands! This
both makes the depression worse and yet escapable because it's not happening right then 'but' also inspires me to climb out of the hole.
it's such a desperately extreme experience! ...and I sincerely feel as though the illness takes priority over my wishes
oddly?....during mania I recollect no true recollections of the depression...that! ...
even more peculiar? ...is!......and cannot exist without the other.
it's like two completely opposite people meet and hang out, but always one of them don't know who the other one is or just chooses to forget.
ever known someone that just made your life miserable sometimes but just couldn't get rid of them?
bipolar to me is like 'being' that person as well as yourself inside myself and it always needs me to make it like they never did nothin' wrong.
oops now I twisted it all up....(hehe

)
but...mania me can make depression me happy at the same time....
never the other way around!