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Old Sep 07, 2012, 11:33 AM
Anonymous32912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion View Post
This in between crap isn't working. Its like my body says one thing and mind says another....everytime I get anxious or my ptsd symptoms start getting bothersome I logically know that nothing is happening and everything is fine but then I still freak out anyways...I mean I can't seem to think my way out of the physical symptoms.

But then at other times I can't even think straight or I get all kinds of stupid negative ideas about how everyone must hate me, or so and so is mad at me because they haven't texted me in a while or worse that everyone I know is just being nice because they feel they have to. It does not go over to well when you're hanging out with people and you suddenly go accusing them of only pretending to enjoy your company. But yeah I just keep obsessing over it no matter how much I tell myself I'm just being paranoid.

Nothing makes any sense, but everything makes sense...I just feel like if I just went completely insane then maybe I wouldn't care as much anymore because it would be over with I wouldn't be on a never ending path towards it.

Does this make sense to anyone, or has anyone felt similarly?
yes!

an accurate description of what I call but 'don't like to call' ....my ultimate personal and intellectual betrayal.

I just would prefer to be stupid.

To have no 'mental reflexes'....

...that race to question everything that I struggle with and the answers I find fail to remove the struggle and yet I go right on and answer them anyway.

due to this I have been virtually untreatable. it's a unique and cryptic kind of suffering...or 'experience'....you are not alone with this one