I wrote a post about this but I don't think it actually posted.

It's been two years since I was diagnosed with bipolar during a stay at a psych hospital. I was admitted due to being suicidal. Since then I've avoided another trip to the hospital. I've come close but have avoided a trip.

I'm having problems that have, for the first time ever, resulted in my husband pretty much insisting that I call my psych if things don't improve by Monday. I'm having crying spells, flying off the handle, swinging between not being able to sleep and not wanting to even get out of bed. I'm not suicidal but today I started having very fleeting thoughts of hurting myself. He is leaving for business this weekend and won't be back until Wednesday. Until he gets back Ativan is probably going to be my best friend.

I don't want to call because it still scares me to death to think about going into the hospital. We can't afford it, my one year old will not deal with me being gone, it's going to be stressful for all my kids and husband overall, and if my parents find out they will raise hell for months. Granted, I have thought about the simple fact that it will provide me with a much needed break to get better. I'll be able to sleep, rest, talk to people about what is going on and get the help I need. I'm thinking about asking to go into the intensive outpatient program but childcare could be an issue---three to four hours per day, three to four times per week, four to eight weeks. My husband says he can work out a schedule with his supervisor so he can keep our youngest or all three, as the case may be, but I just feel weird about him having to talk to his supervisor about this. I don't want to meet his supervisor and have the guy looking at me thinking, "Poor guy. There's his crazy wife."

Does this asking for help and accepting help thing get better? Does it get easier? Or is it always this massive, massive ordeal?