Quote:
Originally Posted by Kahrey
I cannot get my husband to understand this...it's a major issue. He says one thing, yet acts another. And then I tell him how I feel, and he takes it as an attack and says I need to listen and just trust what he says and quit assuming things. He can't seem to understand that I'm just telling him how I feel, I'm not trying to say he is doing anything intentionally. He just always believes I'm attacking him. Saying, "The way you're acting makes me feel like you don't care." To him is me saying, "Well, you just don't care." He can't seem to understand the difference.
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Communication can be so hard. I just did a therapy class on this sort of thing, and I probably won't be able to explain as well as my yogini therapist with her long red curly hair, as she almost hovered in lotus position, having the most perfect answer for everything.
Try to start with the I feel statement, and then the when, specific action or incident. So instead of saying, "The way you're acting makes me feel like you don't care." You could try, "I feel really uncared for when you watch tv a lot." (or whatever it is that bothers you) In your first statement, you are (unintentionally) putting him into a defensive by saying he does this, makes you feel this. Own your feelings, they're yours, they're valid. Feelings aren't wrong, we have to be responsible how we act/react to them. But any feeling is ok, and it's your responsibility to effectively communicate them to your partner. Easier said than done of course
So try it out, starting with "I feel". I think you guys can work this out, it's just a communication glitch.
