I kinda want to try to get help dealing with all the mental crap ...and thus at least improve my state of being to some extent. But the trouble is most 'help' it seems comes from the very society that contributed to this mess in the first place. I will never be ok with the society we have as it currently is.....no amount of psychiatric drugs or therapy can 'fix' that. So I might very well be 'untreatable' as well.

So I suppose I fear that instead of finding help that is helpful to me. I'll only get bombarded with attempts to make me see things more 'normally' and want to become a contributing member of a very sick society while somehow being 'happy' in it. But I suppose I have to start somewhere and be prepared for that sort of thing.