..some of you may have guessed?...

I don't know it's probably not that important! but I think it is

everytime I write here everytime I post everytime I go pictographic everytime I do anything here.

I dubblemonkey...james

am pissed....manic what the hell?...and not just a little...off my face

I don't know why I am telling you this....it only seems fair.

...have been using alcohol for a while now to help me express myself....it's been how I have slowed my mind down enough to get sociable.

I don't know what others here do to express themselves but I doubt it is as damaging as what goes on here in my little room.

bipolar and substance abuse is not a mystery.

but I hate to unmystify it

I don't want to stop...

but I think I should...I am just so worried I will not be relaxed enough to be creative any more,

and know how to talk to people....to care ...I feel like such a freak!

but the quantities and the expense....financially body and mind....you got no idea! or you do

...well thats it...thats as honest as I can get

it's not a very good example for those who are trying....

I am trying too....but I feel like a cheat