I love those crazy connections.

James,

I'm sorry. I am . I am sorry that you feel like a cheat. But I doubt that is true. A cheat at what? You seem plenty genuine to me.

I've been there. A long time ago but I swear I carved my name on the wall.. and the floor, ceiling, door, staircase, and the cellar.

I hope you can find ways to work through this. And the bit about the creativity, you will find a way. The creativity has to come out one way or another. I had a hard time, but I found other ways. I know a lot of creative people, and no matter what they are on, or not on, where they are at in life, the creativity always remains, sometimes it comes in waves, sometimes it recedes a little, but it always comes back.

I used to paint a lot, but I found myself very depressed all the time, the painting for some reason just pulled me there. Eventually I found other avenues to to work with that didn't help me self destruct. Maybe you'll find it to be similar, I dunno.

Don't worry about setting examples for others, only yourself. And you just set an example of honesty and sincerity, pretty good thing.

Just know that we care about you here, don't be too hard on yourself.