Hey Monkey... I'm sorry you feel so bad. Blue had some great points about all of us being here for a reason, all (Most) are medicated if different ways. I cannot speak to the BP, but I've heard many things about it which are similar to ADD. For 43 years I thought I had no self control, I was weak minded, weak morally, selfish and lazy. I self medicated with women, food (A Lot) because after I got married I had to steer clear of situations which could lead to trouble with women, so I ate and ate and ate. I drank some, because it did slow down my racing thoughts, simplified and clarified my spinning brain, but then again while drinking I was weak if the fairer sex was around. There was also spending money, hyper-focus on the next toy, buy it, but the new and shiny wears off fast and so it is on to the item.

After my ADD Dx, all of that crap made sense... Adderall helps control and push those damn impulses down, but there are there, just waiting. I will say that I don't feel the need to drink nearly as much as the old days, I guess because the meds slow my spinning thoughts most of the time and drinking Still puts me in places where I could get myself in trouble.

Did you tell me at one time that meds like Adderall just did not work well for you? Too hard on the system? Have you talked to the doc about any alternatives? Some of the over the counter items can help, like Omega3 Fish oil, B12 and Juice Plus? Blue recommends yoga and I can tell you exercise helps me almost as much as the Adderall.

I've read in many places why alcohol helps the spinning mind, but alcohol is so hard to maintain the levels which help without slipping to the other levels. You have such a creative brain, Monkey my friend. I don't think the alcohol is responsible for it, but renders the Assist by slowing all those great thoughts down so you can mesmerize us with your visuals from verbs and perfectly selected graphical references.

Hang in there my friend