Haven't slept through the night for a couple days... could be the mosquitoes and the mattress... I don't know. Hasn't affected me too much; I always get up tired anyway, and I've been able to sleep in.

I wish the family stuff would just go away... it's a long, complicated story from so many angles.

Other than the stress for a few days, I feel sort of fine... which always makes me doubt I'm depressed. I can joke and do some things and I guess feel kinda happy... sure I can tick off the symptoms on a checklist, sure I've felt hopeless and worthless and suicidal (within the past day or two) and.... My mind will never give me a break, will it? I'm hypocritical and imagining everything and making people think I'm feeling bad when I'm not (but I am...).

So Monday I start with the antidepressant. He said half in the evening for the first week, right...? I double- and triple- and quadruple-checked, I should know. Should be just one. But not morning... no, evening....