So sorry. First, don't go hard on yourself about the feeling you realized you had. They're feelings after all, and arise of their own accord.

Hard to know what to advise. First inclination is that if you know something will be bad or triggering for you, it is best to avoid it. You've had a lot on your plate lately as it is. As for HOW to... that will require some thought. I don't believe you have to make excuses for it, but some thoughts on how to maneuver through encounters would be useful.

The next-door neighbor and close knit community factors do complicate matters. I certainly don't envy your quandary. (Closest situation personally experienced was small town, mother of son's classmate. Though in a very bad place I wanted to go, which is admittedly weird. Not even sure about sharing my feelings -- the one you did and more.)

Inclination towards "sucking it up". Hmmm. Not generally a big fan of that in big situations. In lesser situations yes, as it can be built on and hold at bay the general tendency toward increasing difficulty, but in this situation there is no "building up to". Hmmm.

Will think more on it, but wanted to respond right away, most especially with many big ssssssssssss for you. Again, so sorry.