MM

I don't know what to say... I can't think of a bit of good advice... What a confusing situation to be in...

YOU ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZE! AND YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND A GREAT FRIEND!! You are so concerned and caring for others that you put the longest, most perfect trigger warning I have ever seen on a post!

All week you have been there for me, checking in, offering your support. You remembered my birthday and sent me such a sweet, happy, bright note!!

When I ask about you, you just want to be there for me. And all this time, you've been dealing with a suicide next door omg it is so horrible. I understand the mixed emotions and do not think any less of you!!

You have to take of your sanity and health, and your family's. But also I feel so bad for the family of the boy. And that even if you didn't know them well, they only moved in a month ago, and maybe they don't have much support. They could've had a horrible stressful move. This is in no way your job to be all of their support, or to become friends, or to go over and have tea... unless you wanted to of course. But it could mean a lot to them to have more people present at their son's service. Idk, maybe they wouldn't notice through their tears, and you could probably easily leave early if you need.

I have more thoughts and worries about one of my children dying by suicide than myself. I guess maybe with these crazy teen years and their attempts, I don't even have time to. But one of the worries of mine is, if I did die, who would come to a service for me, would there even be a service, and how that would make everything worse for my kids, if no one came. And I wonder and worry about if they were to die, would anyone come to a service for them? Would I stand there alone, no husband, no family?

My 'community' is a bunch of self righteous judgemental yuppies. I keep to myself mostly except for the other people who come out at night so to speak. There was much judgement after my daughters sui attempt when she was 14. No flowers, no get well cards, just mean looks. Her friends stopped being allowed to come over...

And my grandma's suicide... by train, left my dad to have to identify her body. I wasn't born yet. But my dad's exwife was remarried to a jehovahs witness man and they decided that she'd been posessed by the devil and must burn all her belongings and pictures of her (they had no problem keeping all the money she left them - she had started and owned some restaurants). My dad told me about her when i was 16 and I had made an attempt. But i wonder if there had even been a service for her, and if anyone went or did everyone hate her and believe she was posessed? She was just sick and needed help.

I'm digressing, I'm sorry. I want to be here for you You must do what is best for you and your family, but if you could bear stepping into the uncomfortable, it would show support to this family who has lost a child.