In many ways. First, destroyed two careers. He used to be a practicing psychologist in Europe, but there he had an MA in psychology and it was enough. When he moved to California, MA became not enough. To be a psychologist in California you need a PhD. So he signed up for a long-distance PhD program and was almost done when he met me. He started an internship in SF and finished it with glowing evals. He was even offered a PT job post internship, which was rare. But he got burned out living with my kid from my first marriage whom I did not manage at all and he could not finish the PhD program. He had two more PT jobs on top of the mental health worker job in SF, and I was home pregnant and NOT taking care of my son. So he did not finish - and I am a capable writer, had I been in that situation now I would have actually been helpful in writing those remaining term papers. But I did not to that. Then a couple of years later I sent my son to live with my dad and my second daughter was born a couple of days later. My ex started going to an adult school and became a computer technician - he is very talented and self-taught in this area. He got a job where he would fly to the middle of American nowhere to set up computer networks for newly opened franchises of a major hotel chain. And I... got a job offer I could not resist. Household name company. He could not continue with the job that had him away from home for days while I was working FT - the kids were too little for that. So he quit. And now he wants to go back to work, but his gap on the resume is too big and for IT jobs he is too old - there is well known age discrimination in the IT field. For psychology, age does not matter, but he would have to go to school for MFT for a couple of years and then spend endless hours interning for free before becoming eligible for the licensing exam. Even if I get the job I am now hoping to get and start paying him child support as we agreed when we signed the marital settlement agreement, he in a few years would still get in the red. And that - my getting this job - would be the best case scenario. And the girls feel ashamed of him, he says, because he is not working. The girls want him to be like their friends' parents - doing something. And he is upset with me for not finding him a job at the household name company when I was there - everyone else finds jobs for their relatives and I was busy doing other things, including two in-your-face near-affairs on the job (in hindsight committed to get a rise out of him - to hurt him; my style). I shared some of my past with him recently and he says that had I disclosed it when we were dating, it would have been last I saw him seriously - or that at least he would have sent me to get some healing and only then come back. Our children would never have been born had I made proper disclosures. I did talk a lot about childhood emotional and sexual abuse to him, but I did not mention my own cruelty. I took pleasure in pitting one guy against another. That was my go-to pleasure. I never knew what to do with love, even though destiny was giving me male love very generously - but I had no idea what to do with it other than cause jealousy and hurt. So now that he knows it, he says that he is not interested in people like me. He knew back then that such people existed and back then knew that he did not want to have anything in common with them. So in a way these two beautiful kids of ours are a product of my non-disclosure.