Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoabeans
That is what I've been thinking but, I really do not understand what you're on about sometimes Hamster.
Has anyone ever told you that you think too much? I used to be told that all the time, have panics and just go on about the crazy things in my brain, comments people said even years ago and never understood what that comment meant then, I stopped, started meditating and simply refused to analyse everything. My brain is still a strange place but, still!
People talk nonsense all the time, not everything said has meaning that can linger past the moment. Perhaps, you'll be better off writing off his comment as such babbling and taking care of yourself. He is just a guy after all. Not some Jesus, Messiah, wisdom bum.
Or come here and make me some food because I'm too thin and lazy about such things and hear you enjoy it!
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Well, food... I made them lamb loin chops, brussels sprouts and asparagus, in their apartment because mine does not have a working broiler for the chops. He said "Thank you for cooking our dinner". And tomorrow I will cook my bean and chard soup. So in a way we are back to normal, just at a distance and I am disillusioned - I do understand that lamb (which I would have been happy to cook for you too, Cocoa) does not compensate for his losses.
There is a therapy for bp called social rhythm. I feel that it applies to me. When I was cooking for them weekly, we had a rhythm and everything went well. Then I skipped two weekends, preparing for an interview, and something happened - I started approaching him inappropriately, telling things that you would share in therapy but not with an ex, etc. But it is OK, it is all past now, and I did the right thing preparing for the interview - I did well during the interview, I have been told, and, not to jinx it, hope to get a position if not now then several months down the line. So things are OK. And now how he treats me depends on how he feels - he now has a back belt that relieves back pain and he says that being pain-free causes euphoria. When he is in much pain, he remembers how in the past when he was in pain I would come and torture him by complaining that he had ruined my life. Yes, it did happen - I did not finish law school having his children and every once in a while I feel waves of resentment against him because had I finished law school I would have had a better career. But the children were my idea, the first child was a product of my mania - I asked for her while in the act (literally - I still remember how we were positioned in the room and his being on top) a month before the last year of law school started, and he agreed. The second child was conceived in normal circumstances, outside of mania, but it was my idea to have closely-spaced (2 years) children. By the time I was ready to go back to law school, the bar association rules demanded that I start anew, and that was too much for me. And I irrationally begrudge him not finishing law school.