I am really looking for feedback.

I wrote a draft of a letter to D. and sent it to my former teacher who knows him. The subject line is "remorse". I will paste the draft below. I asked for her advice. She was NOT impressed with the letter. She said that it contains only words of pity and no words of love. And that D. would be thrown into self-pity upon reading my letter.

So now my choices are to send it "as is" despite negative feedback from someone I trust, add "the words of love" or send no letter at all. The thing is, right now I feel nothing. I feel emotionally numb after what I have just been through with my ex. So I do not believe in my own words. But I do recall that as lately as several weeks ago I was having my signature spontatenous orgasms from mere thoughts about D. That means something, does not it?

So my question is - if I go back in memory to the time when I wanted to be with him and write a letter from that standpoint WHILE FEELING NOTHING NOW, am I being manipulative or not?

Ok, with that preface, here is the letter as is, and my plan was to send it once he makes the final decision to come (he still has to arrange for care for his elderly mother so things are still up in the air):

"There is something important that I have long been wanting to tell you and now seems a good time. This is something that I want to tell you orally in person, but am not sure that you would want to hear it. So that you can have a choice whether to hear me or just do the planned sightseeing, I have decided to state it in written form. If you do not want to hear me, just do not reply to this email - I will understand.

Some time ago I started feeling remorse and I am now in pain when I remember how I treated you when we were young. When I read your poetry dedicated to me, I feel joy, but also shame - I feel that its addressee was an unappreciative b***tch. So when you come I would want to give you a hug and a kiss for the poems, realizing that I did nothing to deserve them.

Once you were with me and K. (H-B: my would be first husband) came I started kissing him in your presence. I see that image every day. And now I feel sorry for you. Retroactively. Back then, I did not feel sorry. Had I felt sorry back then, I would not have behaved that way. No, back then I took pleasure.

Unfortunately I have never known how to treat love humanely, with care, and that ultimately led to the demise of my marriage - I tortured my second ex who loved me very much. You even know a bit about it (H-B: he knows of one near-affair).

I remember how I came back from Germany having spent time with B. (H-B: first bf) and told you to back off because I, literally in those words, am "another's woman". And right now I very much want you to forgive me these words.

(H-B: when I was with my composer bf - the one who would later commit suicide - I had a fantasy of dragging D to look at my having sex with the composer. Fortunately, it was just a fantasy, he does not know about it so I do not need to ask for forgiveness in THAT regard).

I am really glad that I can do something good for you now (H-B: I am planning all his trips, booking flights and hotels and everything, he brings cash to cover my credit card expenses). I will find the best flight connections and take care of everything."

So now my teacher suggests adding words of love. What I can think of is as follows:

"And now everything is different. Now I want to be not cruel and torturing but soft and warm, caring and protective, loyal and committed, loving and tender. Will you accept it or will you stay away because I have taught you so? (H-B: these are words I know to be good; I do not FEEL anything NOW). Etc. etc. - there are some words I can think of, but I am devoid of feeling.

???