Emptyy,

This is a very difficult topic for me to talk about, as it brings up very dark thoughts that I've held deep inside for MANY years. I can't logically explain why, but several years ago, I was visiting some family members. One was a pre-teen nephew, he was sweet and cute. I was horrified that I felt sexually attracted to him. I am SOOOO against any kind of abuse, so why I thought of my nephew sexually just disgusted me with myself and built a HUGE amount of shame inside.

I haven't EVER told a soul about the incident, for fear of being more alienated and people thinking I'm a digusting, REALLY sick woman. I was repeatedly sexually abused in early and mid-childhood/adolesence (sp?). I haven't ever wanted to cause others the endless pain that I've suffered. So, I really can't rationalize where those temptations possibly came from. Very, very sick. I suppose that incidents like these make my self-hate even more intense. That's a big struggle in my life.