I am in a lot of emotional web right now. I was supposed to be studying overseas as I have good grades and all. But during 2008 recession, I failed to keep my resume up with earnings and now i am doing almost every random job and freelancing work to manage life. My family is not happy with performance. My mom and dad are always praising my sister and other friends life of how they did better than me. My family rarely helped me with finances but I don't want to blame them on this. That's life.

It pains me that I couldn't do better like them. My confidence was gone down because of this. Everyday I am showing signs of agoraphobia and acrophobia. I can't hardly raise my head in front of others when they talk to me. I don't go out much because all of my good friends moved away from the city or say state (and some even out of country). So that loneliness is there as well.

I am trying hard to get on atelast 100$ a day jobs on freelancing sites. I have managed to hit 80 in some cases and then it is not consistent.

My parents think that my plans of not studying further overseas and landing a good job failed. I must atleast secure rest of the future by getting married. I find this idea horrible because I don't want to spoil life of partner because my earnings are not consistent and mind is also not stable as of now. My parents think this type of thinking is wrong and I must let partner decide what is right or wrong, which is terrible level of cultural thinking IMO. I am not going to get married because I am in my late 20's or less chance of having a good partner later. I want to settle only when my finances are stable and so is my mind. I didn't made it big with career, I don't want to spoil rest of the life struggling for family and kids.

So in short my - My emotions are jumping from one rock to another.

1) I want to make money and don't want parents to dictate me now because they are not helping by forcing culture and society stuff on me.

2) It's really hard to stand firm with such thoughts against culture (marriage stuff and all) when you don't have friends around and nobody around to listen to you.

Is there anything wrong with my level of thinking? How should I calm my mind with such stress?