For years I've tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Once I FINALLY got the diagnosis at age 21 it was time to start learning about bipolar. Truth is now at 27 I'm a little annoyed to put it nicely. I go up and down, up and down and it seem like it never ends. Granted I do my share of not taking meds and using a substance to cover things up, but even when I'm doing things right its like I can never quite get a handle on things. I'll be great for a while and then a wave of depression hits and I stop taking meds and use stuff to deal. Or the other way around I'll be on top of the world and not truly realize how very sick I am. Over the yrs. I've built a great support system; however I still sometimes think I'm "crazy". In hospital stays and some support systems I've met ppl with bipolar who in my opinion are really off their rocker....then that leads to my downfall..."If they don't have it together....then how can I ever possibly get this thing?" I know that may be judgmental of me but that is honestly how I think so I guess to get well you have to be honest. I've had good jobs that I've thrown away, toxic relationships I've obsessed about, and just radical mood changes. I'm so tired. Luckily, I've met someone who I respect and consider "sane" with this disease. She really has a handle on it. So I'm using her as my bipolar sponsor I guess. Hopefully that will work. I really have absolutely nothing again lost car, job, living with parents again etc. So once again I'm building from the ground up which has happened too many times before. So sick of gaining and losing. Just was wondering does anyone have any advice, have you experienced anything similar, and how do I prevent THE CRASH in the future? I feel so alone with the bipolar thing, maybs b/c it's not as accepted in society as addiction. I don't know. I want to be well and stay well, stay stable so that I can help others but right now I'm still struggling to get a grasp on it. How is stability achieved for good? Please Help TY all the best, Berly