I've spent my career (in entertainment)trying to accomplish great things in my field thinking that impressive points on a resume will help me be successful BUT Between industry gatekeepers, potential sponsors/marketers, Wikipedia editors the message I keep getting is that despite everything I've accomplished to date, no matter what it is I've achieved, anything I may possibly have claim to be proud of - I am essentially of no value to anyone (or to quote "Not enough to be considered Notable" or worthy). For things like Grammy involvement, red carpet walks, appearing on TV shows I keep hearing "that's cool and all, but not enough to be considered somebody notable."

Nothing I do is GOOD ENOUGH

My life has been a frequent uphill battle to have some efficacy and societal impact, and while I've made it far enough upstream - i'm still not GOOD ENOUGH. I have a sinking feeling that even if I had a #1 billboard hit, win several grammies, invent something like Google, and save thousands of lives through charitable efforts - I will still be of no value to those that control the flow of wealth and information.

I know MOST people don't have any value to others outside of a their immediate circle, but I don't find that comforting at all.

I'm strongly considering a career-shift so I'm not depending financially on the whims of entertainment industry gatekeepers and album sales, But even then, how do I to come to terms with the fact that "no matter what I do, nobody will ever take notice or care?". I keep asking myself "What do I have to do to finally get some acknowledgment and recognition" and after decades of trying am realizing that I may never ever ever be considered valuable to anyone other than myself.

For me life requires more than little pleasures in order not to be depressed - pleasure is important but a small component of happiness. I also need to feel valued and that my actions mean something. I can't seem to get that feeling no matter how hard I try.