I have been super angry with my father lately. Especially leading up to the morning I went to my appt with T4.

The offices are very close to where I grew up. Memories. I have to drive in the vicinity of my father's hospital to get there. Memories.

The few mornings prior to appt with T4, I had flashback after flashback of all the horrible things he has said (or not said), done (or lacked doing).

All that god-like condescending b**s*** intellect. The I am a doctor so I dont have to explain myself to you...the superior nature. The lack of feeling and expression. The blank look on his face or look of disappointment. The dismissing my knowledge because his is far superior to mine. The I dont have time for you. The f****** stubborn stance.

And his / their male friends...the same. I grew up with these people.

T is really good for me...what is not so good for me is being so triggered like this. Uch. All the bunched up anger all bubbling to the surface...i sleep poorly lately too. I wake up from broken sleep disturbed and angry hate this.

I hope journal writing, a letter i will never send, my art, I hope this passes soon. It is eating me up. And he doesnt know and i know for a fact, doesnt even care.