I am sorry to hear about your awkwardness at funerals. The lack of emotion is not a good feeling. I have lost grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, pets, I have showed no emotion and felt no emotion. It's weird to see people and see there grief. Espicially since I have none. I never have. Even if the person is close to me. I know I should be sad or angry or something. Numb is not what you should be but it is what I am. I to feel guilty because of that. I can not offer you any advice for I have none. I react the same as you do. I can only hope that having someone who behaves the same way brings you some piece of mind knowing you are not alone. Good luck w/ this.