you might be taking how your partner is, and applying her logic to "the world". like you chose her because she met your "need to be needed" at the time you met, but now you are growing and changing, and you see how one-sided the r/s is and has always been, and you want something more from her, but she's saying it's not fair to change the rules now? Hey, guess what - if she's had a free ride for all these years with a partner who was willing to give more than she took - what did she think she did to deserve that? It's like not paying taxes - sooner or later, it's gonna catch up with you. Maybe that's not what's going on, but you said a coupla times while you guys were sick, that her being sick counted more than yours, that's why I bring it up.

ETA: "needs", admitting I had needs, I wanted to wash my own mouth out with soap rather than admit it in T. I think this is why I have made T play dollies with me for the past two years. He holds the doll that represents me for the entire hour - I need him to do that. We don't really talk about it. yet.