(((MDBPDPTSD))),

Yes, you are discribing PTSD and it is a challenge. I have to work at it myself and I admit that I can get frustrated with it too. I keep reminding myself "its ok" and that helps a lot. I have discribed how I use the chalkboard in my mind and how I picture it write the numbers 10-1 and erase them slowly, but sometimes I just draw on the board and that helps me to stop the overload of thoughts and reduce that feeling of "flight" that comes from the cortizol buildup in my body.

Beauflow is right, understanding where the discomfort comes from and finding a resolve will slowly help you "desensitize" again. Pay attention to your feelings and find ways to calm yourself, sometimes you simply have to take a time out and practice something you find relaxing.

Yes, feeling like a "loser" is normal to those who struggle with PTSD. Make sure you make a decision to "self care" and don't let yourself feed into that feeling. I am glad you came to PC and have found others who can validate your feelings and encourage you to keep working on healing too.

I hope you are working with a therapist as well. A good therapy session once a week does wonders because you can get on track with understanding "trama and recovery" and the "stages of the recovery" as well. It takes time to work through PTSD so you have to learn to be patient with yourself.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes