so you're using my mother's logic, that you're the loser, cos you can't force a loser-dummy to smarten up. sorry if that sounds harsh. but my grampa (mother's father), when I told him that it was I who had left my husband, not he who left me (my mother had lied to grampa, idk why), grampa got a big smile on his scruffy ol face and shook my hand and said, good-a for-a you! I have no idea how many or what lies my mother has told about me to all the relatives over the years, I just get a hint of them from time to time.

so, not saying you need to uproot immediately, or at all. just look at the situation differently. You're not unloveable cos partner won't take care of you. You ARE a fountain of sweetness. SHE might be a little selfish, a little lazy, a little full of herself, a little unwilling to bend? Sounds like she doesn't have much to give and is envious of you. You feel like your only options are to say, either she's right and you have to crush yourself, or she's wrong and you have to stomp on her? Can you get to a win-win? Or at least a way for you not to lose? Last time you were gonna move, change jobs etc. Why so drastic, why can't you leave her but keep your job?