Telling you what this is called in you would be our making a diagnosis of you and your problems, we are not allowed to do that here..

that said if you google your symptoms you will find wanting to do bad things can be a symptom of just about every mental and physical health diagnosis/problem depending upon accompanying symptoms (which is probably why we are not allowed to make diagnosises of each other here, we could accidentally tell someone they have something they dont really have or accidentally miss what they really have, in turn doing more harm than good for each other)

my suggestion if this worrys you contact your treatment providers or a treatment provider near you that is in real time not online. they will be able to accurately diagnose the problem and treat you for it.