Worriedoldermom,

Counseling would be good for you, but unless he wants it for himself it would be useless.

If I were you I would tell him you are afraid of what he is hiding. Tell him that unless he gives you access to see what he has on the computers, you will have to assume the worst and he will have to leave( a separation ). Don't give him time to cover his tracks, just jump him. Don't be angry about it. It is a confrontation but you shouldn't attack him.

Make sure he knows that the pornography is robbing you of the intimacy (not just sex) you need.