I wish I had something that could help. I went the other way, I decided I would rather give up being loved because the cost seemed to be my soul and I did not want to give that up. For what it is worth, not being loved is not all that bad. And sometimes, despite my awfulness, some people do not think I completely suck. I don't count on it, but it seems to be there. I have had the same group of friends for about 30 years and it is possible they have not spent all this time merely tolerating me as there have been opportunities to ditch me along the way.