I don't know how I got to this point in my life. But I've come to the conclusion that just about every stupid decision I've made, every wrong turn down a blind alley, was a result of untreated depression.

And I feel so stupid that it's taken me this long to even realize that!

Here I am, 55 years old, no kids, no friends, no job, no achievements in life, nothing to show for my time on this earth.

For years I've spent my days alone, and now I sit in front of this computer for hours every day. I am so lonely. I'm looking into a volunteer job and a class, but I know it won't make me feel any less alone. In fact, being around other people who have friends and families just makes me feel more alienated.

I'm so ashamed that I haven't been able to take care of myself, to make good decisions, to grow and move forward in life, to build anything or even maintain any relationships other than my marriage.

For years I used alcohol and drugs to cope with extreme shyness and depression but the decisions I made under the influence only hurt me more. I've since quit drinking, etc. ... but the damage is done.

Now I have two major life-threatening illnesses, a life expectancy of 63, and nothing but regrets.