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sammi said:
i have to agree with sky if i try and pretend that its not there i just get worse. cause i have tendencies to deny and try and forget about it. OR just forget about what i'm feeling

In the end it always just seems worse. I'm really good at blocking things out but i'm not so sure if it helps me or not.

I mean eventually i just break down anyways and its worse if i've held it all in.

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Sky Sammi,

It must be just a different therapeutic style.

If by the lies the depresion tells you, you mean all the feelings of being unwanted and unloved and horrible and dirty and bad...my therapist said a year ago when I started seeing him
......they are a wall I have built to hide the pain and I must break down the wall.
a bit at a time as I can stand it..
.and really feel the pain
and then I will cope with it better.

Seems to be working.....over the last year ...a little at a time as much as I could take I have let the depression sink in more and more and more and really FEEL it .. and i started to REALLY remember all these times when I was kid and used to cry myself to sleep cos i felt then, so lonely and horrible and unwanted. and Oh yes I felt the pain, I felt how much I really felt bad when i was 2 3 4 5 6 7 8...years old.

and you know, when I started to really recall all that bad stuff I started to see all the good things that happened to me as a kid too.
Oh I wasnt abused or molested then, just born into a family that didnt know what to do with kids and had too much other stuff to worry about. Like getting their next fix

and it was their problem with kids that gave me my problem with myself and I really was NOT dirty and bad and ugly... and that change of seeing things..... well I needed to get back into that original pain to see that the kid i was back then had a lovable, friendly, happy....and dare I say it .... Cute side.

Honey, I used to sit in depression like a vegetable all the time I wasnt at work 24/7 for months on end. Now i just feel unhappy sometimes, for half an hour or so. and feeling unhappy is a whole lot healthier than feeling depressed.

YOu know, I used to think people avoided me cos I was bad and horrible. Now I see they avoided me cos i was just so miseable.
Now they seem to come to me cos i am happy and positive and ...well, kind of a warm person......and doesnt that feel like I have moved to a whole other planet.

Now I just have a problem trusting that these good feelings will stay cos while they do the good people in my life that have come in the last few months will stay too.

It must be just the therapeutic style but I tell you honey, I think if I hadnt tried to work through that bad stuff and let it run its course, if I had kept running away from it....I would still be sitting o the sofa like a vegetable feeling sorry for myself

So,......when you guys talk about distracting yourself.....I treid that...it didnt work....so I swam in it, and theres a whole other much better world on the far shore