Hey, fellow spouse of a porn addict here. My hubs struggled with this since he was a teen, and as it became more available online, it became more and more severe, and with more disturbing images. I would try to explain that it felt like he was cheating on me, was affecting my self esteem, let alone what it was doing to our finances. We tried counseling, but finding a couples therapist who really understands how to treat both sides of the issue is a tough thing. I just got more angry every time he lied and said he had quit, but snuck around to do it. Then it became more about the lying and the deceit than it did about the porn. This all led up to him starting a relationship with another woman that lasted for about five months, starting when I first got really sick and was just out of hospital. He used my mental health issues as an excuse for his sick behavior. When I found out, I did some digging around on the internet and found a website that saved our marriage. It's www.recoverynation.com It was started by a recovering sex/porn addict who had passed away shortly before we found the site, but the admins of the site have all of his writings and courses that he presented and they have kept it going.

The really excellent thing about it is that there is a section geared toward the addicts and a separate forum and lessons for the partners of the addicts. So even if your hubs is not ready to admit that he has a problem, you can go there for support and understanding from other spouses who have been where you are. There is a free option where you don't get that much guided support from one of the trained specialists (you do get some). Or you can choose to pay if you think that a more intense program is what you need. Give it a look. Totally may not be your thing, but I am thankful every day that I stumbled on that site. He worked on the addict's course while I worked on the partners course. The focus is on you on the partners side of things. About your healing, your education, setting boundaries, and sticking to them. Then if you both get through that, you can go into the couples forum and work on those courses. It took us over a year, with lots of ups and downs (which is the hardest part about recovery) but our marriage is stronger now than it ever was in the years before. Our communication and intimacy are 100 times better. I just cannot say enough about how it worked for us. I cannot make any guarantees for your process, but it's a great place to start. If you have any other questions or have a hard time navigating the site, let me know. I am more than happy to help. I know how intense that pain is.