I would have responded sooner to this if I had seen it. I can relate to a lot of what you have to say. Especially the part about fearing judgment, I really struggle with that still at times! And it was a HUGE issue for me when I was your age (many years ago ). I applaud your courage to speak up on here and put yourself out there!

I would encourage you to keep speaking up, maybe even when you don't feel you are at that breaking point. It's okay to share things, people here want to listen and validate and help you!

I do hope things begin to get better for you soon! I also hope you are successful in finding a therapist that fits for you, it made all the difference for me in my recovery. Thanks again for posting, take care!