I used to think of SSI/SSDI as the "easy way out".That is why I have fought like Hell against applying, despite advice to the contrary from multiple tdocs and pdocs. I am finally giving in (I think) and going for it. I am still having a tough time lighting a candle under it, so to speak. If I do it, it really does become real.

The fact is, I went on short term disability from work three times in less than two years. I just kept falling apart and "crashing" again. I fought formally going for SSI, etc. because I felt like I would be giving up and letting the illness win. I felt like I wanted a normal life so badly that if I tried hard enough I could just push through it.

I got layed off from my last (really good) job, I believe as a result of all of this, although I cannot prove it. I have been on unemployment for over a year. I thougt in addition to honing my skills and job searching, I would have some time to find "stable". Here I am... out of unemployment time, still a mess, still playing med roulette, and rarely going for long without crashing again. I hate it.

Is this the easy way out? I do not know. One thing I do know is that my state has awesome resources to help you transition back to work once you are able. And they leave a two year "grace period/safety net" once you are back to work full time, so that if you really still cannot do it, your benefits are there to catch you without the red tape of the beginning. Another thing I like is that they allow you to work part time while on disability as you are able. If that is the case, as soon as I can I will be out there trying part time- that way I can live with myself and also have more structure once I am doing a bit better.

Oh- and the "easy way out" from what I understand keeps you broke (like not even making ends meet) and stressed constantly. Who the hell wants that?