LauraCarroll,

I will just start by saying that I am a 22 year old male, so what I have to say is probably not really anything much at all. Life is complicated, and one thing leads to another, which leads to another, and so on, until you have a very tangled web of things. I wouldn't call any decision a "stupid decision", ever. I would say that you acted based upon the most knowledge that you had at each of those specific points in your life. And that nothing you did was wrong, or your fault at all. We may not know the exact cause of the choices that you made, but everything happens for a reason. I know that for myself, a lot of the things I do are because of my shy personality.

55 years old, I'd consider that an accomplishment. No kids, well, it may seem strange but to me that is also an accomplishment. I'm sorry that you have no friends. I don't have any friends either. I'm sorry that you don't have a job and feel like you haven't accomplished anything. To me, all these things to show for being on earth are just that, all show. That doesn't mean you are a bad person.

I know what you mean when you say you feel more alienated. I feel the same way whenever I am around other people. I am very lonely too.

You got married, that is a major relationship to maintain. I have a feeling I will never have any relationship with anyone. I haven't ever abused drugs or alcohol, and don't plan to, so I don't really understand what you went through there.

I disagree with Leed, I used to have feelings of regret about my life, mostly my high school years, wishing that I would have just gone out with a girl when I had the chance. But now, I don't have any guilt or regret whatsoever. I have accepted that everything I "chose" to do in my past resulted directly from a specific cause. It is believing in pure cause and effect, its called the infinite regression. There is no need for you to feel guilty anymore, you made choices based on your experiences beforehand, and it was the best you could do.