Hi All and thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

I have had DID since my late teens, many minor alters and one major alter who has taken over my entire life for months, even up to 18 months at a time. This has happened three times in the last 20 years.

The last time was over two years ago and it took me a whole year to come out of it. In that time, I left my family (husband and kids), and was a completely different person in every way. People who know me and saw "her" said I even looked different.

I became involved with a really bad man...a convicted felon, liar, cheater and thief who thinks nothing of living off of me and has openly admitted he is using me.

When my Alter had taken over, she did not really notice all the horrible things about him, but was "in love" with him and thought they were soul-mates! As I started to re-emerge, I saw right through him and wanted him GONE.

My problem is that I have disassociated and left my family three times and they are done with me. My husband and kids cautiously allow me in their lives, but it is clear that I am an outsider now. My kids don't really understand that it was the stress of trying to make my marriage with an extremely controlling, overbearing narcissist work that sent me over the edge every time. Not to mention that he is asexual or even homosexual and refuses to address this.

So, I woke up slowly to realize that it was basically like "I" had died. There was no one left! The only person who saw it all happen and has stood by me is the no-good user. He is always there when I need to talk, and sees that I have a real illness and how cold my family is to me.

Everyone from my old life as my main or core personality is gone. They are very wary of me and I can't blame them for this. In my alter's life, that I do not want, is the felonious user and all of his scandalous "friends". I hate them all and refuse to have anything to do with them.

Breaking off completely from the felonious user will truly leave me alone in the world.

I have been to many hospitals, rehabs, groups, psychs (never again!), therapists, etc. and I just can not go through all that crap again.

Meeting anyone new; ie-nice, decent, honest people is so challenging as these people generally want nothing to do with a certified insane person.

Any comments are so appreciated.