Hi Tinkerbell. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I can relate to the self-loathing. I feel on the verge of tears today too. Sometimes I find it helpful to use a timer in this kind of situation. I will find some very small task and set the time for 5 minutes or so and say this is all I am going to think about - cleaning this sink or straightening this drawer or whatever - or even just sitting still for that time. That small amount of time of not thinking about my problems or what I perceive as my faults can sometimes help break my self-loathing episode.

I can see from your many posts that you are a very caring and compassionate person who has helped improve other peoples' days. I admire you reaching out like this and hope you know you are not alone.