Thanks, Leed, I know I should be grateful, I should be happy I'm alive, etc. I feel guilty that I don't, along with everything else I feel guilty about. But that's part of depression. Depression makes it hard to see that life is a blessing, and frankly, it has also made it impossible for me to just jump up and "start a life of joy". I wish I could. I guess if I could suddenly turn my thoughts around to joy, gratitude and blessings, I wouldn't be depressed. But I've tried and it's just not that easy.

I am not complaining about having serious illnesses. I'm just sad that so much of my life has been wasted and there isn't a lot of time left.