i never posted what I emailed T. Here it is:

T,

I don't care if I call or email. It's too hard for me to keep my feelings inside and do that SE instead. I hate it! Now all of my body hurts and I'm crying. You aren't there for my parts anymore! I don't know what to do, but for sure I have something to write on my diary card. The whole session was triggering!

I CAN'T be as strong as you want me to be. Not right now. I'm going to class, (not the DBT class). In 5 minutes. That's using the DBT skill of opposite of what I want to do.

Will it ruin everything if you write back?
I still miss you even though I was there looking at you. It hurts more.
It hurts all over but my feet are on the ground.
I still don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't want to need you but I do.

Please help.

rainbow