I don't know if this helps at all but I've had several family deaths over the years - one thing I noticed is, any past family hurts resurface during grief for some reason.......feels like emotional scabs are revealed and all the memories flood in. It also helped me to vent to my older brother. I know you feel bad your family didn't call you soon enough. Depression has a way of making you feel awful about yourself.

I understand you're in intense emotional pain and you want relief. Right now you need to care for yourself which is hard when you're depressed. Pretend you're caring for a best friend - for the next week put these feelings on hold, eat healthy and go for some walks. When a persons in severe pain they want a solution, but usually not able to find one, which creates incredible frustration - this leads to desperation. For now try to accept its bad but treat yourself good - force yourself to eat good and go out. Make it your goal to be better than your mom and a better mother. I can tell you from experience, that strength came when I was a my lowest point. Even though you don't think you have any, its there.