Sorry you are feeling so depressed, it sucks! I know, I feel the same way most of the time. You are diffidently not the only one that has self medicated, try going to an AA or NA meeting and you will find almost everyone there self medicated at one time or another. Going to NA and AA has helped me to find that I am not alone with the way I try and deal with life, I was isolating myself so bad I was scared to even be around people when I was not drinking or drugging. I hope you are not as bad as I was and still am some days. Too bad the feelings we feel when drinking don't last we always have to sober up, then life is twice as bad! If you need to talk PM me anytime, I can relate.