I can't believe I did this.

I logged on to a Russian site right before my birthday last weekend.

I wanted to chat with some Russian men and/or meet them in my city.

Some answered and then one did not email me and I saw his ad on the site, saying, "Serious women only!" right after i did not hear from him.

Then I tried to email the other 2 and they did not answer.

Some more wanted me to sponsor them in Russia. I had to tell them I could not travel.

I told another I did not drink.

Another that I did not want to get married.

I then told them all politely, "Thank you for your time. I guess I am not what you all are looking for. I am going to leave now."

And I deleted my account.

Rejection is a blessing.

I am not ready or equipped to deal with more drama!

But I am still addicted to it.

Andy and I have been split up for a while now and I am so lonely.

Last night was the only decent night's sleep I had.

Now, since I made the mistake of letting myself be rejected tonight by total strangers, I don't know if I can sleep.

I hurt so much.

I am so lonely.

I am safe.

Just really bummed out.

My mentor said, "Rejection is a blessing."

Thank g*d for Ani.

Thank g8d for this board.

I resonate with anyone on here right now who is hurting as badly as I am now.

I can't believe I did this.

I know it's my very own fault.

I just wish I knew how to connect with ppl the right way!

Or just have nice quiet normal nights alone.

Billi