For lack of a better term I feel like the craziest person here. I have not left my house innnnnnnn 6 days, called out wednesday and last night, cry most of the day, couldn't even get motivated to hang with my best friend now I have not heard from her since Sunday and have tried calling, my meds don't work, I can't afford them anyway, I still expect someone NOT to play games with me and lie because he is supposed to be a friend but noooooooo....when i want to go to sleep I can't sleep but when I wanna be awake I fall asleep. I wanna be awake and alert and not feel crappy in the morning so i can find a day job because i think the night shift is screwing me up more, I'm probably fired from my current job because I keep calling out, I can't seem to flow with the current changes in my life at all, I'm afaid to hang with most of my friends because most of them are guys, the two friends I feel okay around aren't around enough, the past I dunno six or so years have compounded into one big heaping thought of craziness and chaos in my head because I haven't moved on from one thing to move from the other and the other, i just sit in my house like a ffin idiot then at the end of the day I feel like crap because I sat in my house like an ffin idiot not doing a damn thing but sleeping, thinking, peeing, showering, and smoking. And I HATE smoking but can't seem to quit ffin doing it! I don't know what to do, don't know what feels right, don't know what thought is rational and what isn't, am I right to think this way? am i overanalyzing or did I analyze just right? rarrrrr!!!!!!! I used to be able to find or do something that would gimme a little boost for maybe a week then I have to find something else to gimme a boost cause the pervious weeks boost does not work anymore, now I cant seem to find a darn thing to get me moving!