After 13 years I finally told someone for the first time about the abuse I endured as a child. This happened just a little over a week ago. Since then, I feel like my world is falling apart. Getting up the guts to talk has made it feel so real to me. The nightmares are occurring every night... so I haven't been sleeping more than 3-4 hours a night. I've also been struggling with Self-Injury for about 10 years... after a period of about 1 year where I thought I could beat this (the SI) this has dramatically increased. I'm at my wits end.

I've always been the type of person who held everything inside. Now it's giving me no choice but to get it out and I don't know how to deal with it the right way.

The person I talked to is a very trusted mother-like figure in my life. She wants me to confront him, I think this is a horrible idea. I don't think I can handle it. At least not yet. This week has been full of memories I've tried to forget for years. I hear him, I feel him..and I hate me because of it. I can't stop feeling guilty for the things that have happened in my past. I don't know what to do.

My trusted friend suggests counselling, even contacting a crisis center. I don't know. I've always been so opposed to those things thinking I could do it on my own. I'm not so sure now...

So, I was doing some research and I found this place and I've spent hours pouring over posts... crying and realizing just how not alone I am. I'm not even sure why I joined or why I'm posting. But i am..and I'm hoping someone can offer some advice as to where I should even begin. I'm really scared.