Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain
Are you really so sure she has changed?
Or could it be that you have changed?
Sometimes I need more from T, sometimes less.
When I need more, I see her as cold.
When I need less, I see her as warm.
I don't think she really changes at all.
PS:
I guess this is a valuable lesson. Not something I want to learn, however!
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Thank you, CantExplain. I'm not sure. I think that my T has become more focused on helping me change, so that means she changed a little too. The parts of me who are resisting changing are the ones who need more from her, and she's not giving it. That's tangible; I see it. She's not changing her goal of building up my Self; she's just firmer about it. She's still warm, but she's working with me in a specific way that is less nurturing to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
My instinct, which isn't really worth a whole lot because I am not you, is that the next step for you is to learn to tolerate these more intense feelings. I feel like the others who say that a slip is not a tragedy or an excuse to more broadly revert to old patterns.
It's like I do with my 11 year old, in developmental stages, particularly with jumping to his requests. When he was 2, I said, wait one minute and I will get or do X for you. Now I say, wait 20 minutes and then I will be able to do that with you, or for you. Just because you are feeling different things or they feel stronger doesn't mean you can't handle them. You are stronger than you were, you can sit with them longer. I think you need to build up your strength more and see if you can sit with it longer until you seek relief by contacting your T.
Also, you may be able to tolerate misery. I think it will give you important information if you sit with it and let it inform you rather than pushing it away by going for the instant fix or gratification of your old patterns. The same is true of body sensations, consider that they may be coming to the surface to teach you something.
You are continuing to move forward, even if it seems like you are not. Nothing is wasted and progress is rarely linear. Take good care.
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Thanks, Anne. Maybe the DBT class will teach me how to tolerate misery. I don't want to be miserable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCabanna
Well I'm glad she responded.
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Thanks. Me too!
I felt better last night before I read her email, but it was nice to know that she is there for me, and doesn't think the rules we set up are cast in stone. That would be too much to bear. I am not going to email or call her after all, though I feel pretty sad when I think about my session.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brightheart
Rainbow, I don't know anything about SE, but I agree that it makes sense to sit with painful or angry feelings without acting on them.
I hope we can respect and support Rainbow.
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Thanks. I wonder why it's good to sit with anger or painful feelings. I can see not doing anything destructive, but wouldn't a T be the person to go to with those feelings?
Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Hi Rainbow,
I agree with the others. You are NOT a failure! You have been doing very hard work on yourself! I am proud of you!
The ironic thing is that progress doesn't always feel good. But as you move through your painful issues and grow, you will feel stronger bit by bit. It will get easier to learn patience, and to tolerate painful emotions. It won't feel this bad always. It will get easier.
I'm glad your t gave a short reply. I think she is doing her very best to help you, wants to see you grow, but in no way does she care any less about you. She wants to see how far you can stretch your wings. But if/when you truly get beyond your own ability to cope, she is there.
Hang in there!
Peaches |
Thanks, Peaches. I hope DBT will teach me those skills. I don't think I ever learned how to tolerate painful emotions. I don't know how to sit with them. It seems impossible to do that.