Yup, there's a lot going on right now. I tend to hyper-focus on one thing. "if I can fix 'x' then everything else will fall into place" I know it doesn't work that way.

I'm trying to figure out how to work around my manager. He tends to get defensive, shut down, and stop listening when he hears things he doesn't like. He also thinks he knows everything about my job. I'm an x-ray tech. . . . he has never taken an x-ray in his life. He has never worked in a hospital where everything is unpredictable either.

He told one of our sonographers that if he told her to do take x-rays then she should do it and she'd be covered. In my province, that contravenes at least one if not two laws. Punishable by a several thousand dollar fine. Yeah, he knows everything!

I come from a very quiet family where no one showed they were mad. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they are very supportive. But no one ever expressed anger. Disappointment, sadness, frustration. . . but not anger. I feel like I shouldn't get angry, that it's a failure or an immature reaction. But then I can't seem to uncover the other feelings because I'm caught up feeling guilty/confused about being angry.

Around an around it goes.

I have great friends when it comes to support and my therapist is good, but I have a very hard time expressing my thoughts. I get distracted and go off on tangents so when the 45 minute hour is up I realize I haven't dealt with the issue I intended.

I am finding writing and sending it out to the world is helping. Journalling didn't help because no one read it. So it stayed in my head and cluttered things up. This way, I don't always know if someone will read it, but it's possible.