Starting meds is a tumultuous time. So is any time you need to change the dose, drug, or combination. It's frustrating because you want them to work right away. Even though your rational side knows it takes time, the rest of you doesn't get the message. Keep reminding yourself that there is hope. PM me and I'll remind you that there is hope if you need/want to.

I've lost relationships too because of my depression and mood issues. It's hard, very hard. There are guys/girls our there that can handle "the crazy" as I call it, the times when I can't get a handle on my emotions. It's usually not so much about you driving them away, as them not being able to handle their own emotions. Guys especially like to fix things and they get frustrated when they can't. They feel like they've failed you which doesn't make them feel good. All those feelings put a strain on a relationship. And sometimes they're just jerks. You may not have been the perfect partner but it takes two to tango. As a friend of mine told me once, you have to kiss a lot of toads but eventually you find a prince. Don't get me wrong, it sucks in the mean time, but it's not hopeless.

With depression, motivation is gone . . . to fight against it you have to do something you used to like doing even if you don't feel like it. Play music for 30 minutes. . . 5 even if that's all you can do. Play something easy and upbeat, even "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" will do. As you're playing take note of how that moment feels not the whole day, not the last hour, just the time it takes to play one bar. If it feels good, try to remember that, right it down if you have to so you remember next time.

junkDNA's suggestion of nurturing a child is a good one. I was hospitalized and this is exactly what one of the nurses told me. He said that imagine I was 11 years old, would I be talking to this child the way I'm talking to myself now? We are much kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Try and give yourself a break.

PM me anytime. I have two good ears. . . er. . .eyes for 'listening'