Hey Billi,

Hugs are definitely in order

I understand totally. I've faced similar circumstances in which the rejection was a direct cause of something I did! I went out with this girl, didn't really want to, she thought I was all that. She called me a lot, we spent some time together ate spaghetti, went for drinks, had a good time etc. (For the record I'm female, I'm a lesbian. If anyone thought I was a dude, I'm not.)

Anyway, I just stopped answering her calls, but saw her a few weeks later out in town...She saw me and didn't acknowledge me. I walked right up to her (with my instincts telling me otherwise) and said "why didn't you come and say hi?" and she replied with "uh...you're kidding right? I'm with my date...bye!" I felt incredibly rejected and betrayed, ashamed, angry and stupid!

I put myself in that situation, yet I couldn't help but feel rejected and abandoned, hurt and lonely.

"Rejection is a blessing..." this could very much be true, I mean, without it I would never be able to look at myself and figure that something wasn't quite right. Why am I constantly being rejected? Without rejection I would have no real need to learn to love myself. Without it, I may end up with someone I really wouldn't want to be with.

I understand your grief and frustration billi. It may not seem as if your lonliness will subside, it encompasses everything...Your mentor sounds like a great person that you can talk to, though. And you also have a lot of support here, we understand your feelings. And let me assure you, I've been there...hopefully you can find comfort in knowing you may feel lonely, but you are never alone.
Best wishes.